If you don't know me already, I'm the Minister of Music & Administration for Our Place Christian Church in Hillsboro, Oregon. We're a new church planted in 2001, and I lead music there as well as oversee the finances. I'm a songwriter and guitarist, have been for 15 years or so, and I've been leading music in various churches and institutions since 1995. God has had me on a pretty wild ride so far, and I'm loving it!
I plan to use this blog as a place to post my thoughts and ideas on music, worship, or whatever else I may be chewing on at the time. I love to generate discussion and challenge assumptions, and I question everything. I'm not certain that very many people will ever read this, but my hope is that anyone who does will take some time to post their thoughts as well, and challenge MY assumptions. In the end, I'd like to learn and grow into a better worshiper through this experience.
So here goes...
Recently my songwriting has been focusing around ideas of helplessness, doubt, confusion... I've really gotten inspired by some of David's Psalms where he really unloads what he's feeling, crying out to God in frustration. Lamentations is awesome in that way too. And a few months ago I got blown away in my quiet time reading Romans 7. In the 15th verse Paul says "I do not understand what I do". What an amazingly vulnerable thing to say. For goodness sake, this man was an APOSTLE! He was writing the very WORD OF GOD! The Holy Spirit may have been literally speaking into his ear, inspiring his thoughts, directing his pen, revealing divine wisdom to him one on one... and he had the guts to admit "I don't understand myself". And he then labors over his sinfulness, in the end calling himself "a wretched man". I totally get that.
Here I am, broken and ashamed
Its all I can do to turn and call Your name
And every day I turn away and follow after lies
But here You are with open arms and tears are in Your eyes
I don't know why I'm This Way
I can't take another day
Lord I turn to You and pray
Come and wash my sins away
That's how I feel sometimes. That's honest and real for me. Sometimes my choices bring tears to my Savior's eyes. And I can't pretend to understand it all. All I can do is pray.
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:24-25