It is really challenging to stay up to date with this blog. But I have been inspired by my friends Steve and Logan to get back into the swing of this. Their blogs are awesome! I could read their stuff all day long. I'll post links to them here when I get back to my desktop.
I'm in the middle of a recording project with my band right now. We've got drum and bass tracks down for about eight songs, and Russ and I did some listening today and talked about what we liked, what worked, what didn't, where to go from here, all that. Its really tough to listen to stuff objectively, when there is so much creativity and emotion wrapped up in the songwriting process. My mind goes in a million directions. How do I want it to sound, what parts need to be added, how should the dynamics flow, what should be cut, should it be simple, should it be deep, blah, blah, blah.
Most importantly, I'm really struggling with "what is the purpose of this?" "Why are we recording these songs?" What's the goal?"
One of the songs is a remake of "Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus". I wrote new lyrics for the verses and added a bridge, and changed the chord progression and melodies and whatnot. The lyrics in the bridge say:
So I won't look for glory, or fortune, or fame
I'll look to the heavens and call on Your name
And I was thinking about that. I MEAN that. Lately I have not been eager to make my music known. I haven't done any semi-real recording in a long time. I haven't tried to play lots of gigs. I haven't pursued much of anything outside of leading worship at church, and doing church type events. I know some people have been frustrated by that. I've been fielding requests for years now... Ken, when are you guys going to record? To be honest, I just haven't wanted to. Its a lot of work, a lot of time investment, and I'm not really sure of the purpose. I DON'T want this to be about my own ego. I DON'T want to pursue a record deal, or become a famous worship guy. I don't want to tour and play Passion festivals and worship conferences. I don't want to sell records and make money.
Because all of that would be bad for me. I know my own pride and ego would get in the way. It would start to become about me, and how talented I am, and how unique I am, and look at me, I'm a big star. Look at how God is using me. Aren't I special? He picked the right guy when He picked me!
I don't want that. So for years I've been avoiding doing anything that might appear like I am trying to seek my own success. And yet, now I am recording. And I don't know why. What are we going to do with this CD once its done? Sell it? Promote it? Shop it? Give it away? Hide it? I don't know.
What is God going to do with it? What is He going to ask us to do with it? Am I going to say "yes" to Him? I'm not even sure if He has asked us to record this at all.
What a rambling mess this post has become. I'm listening for God on this one.
Minister of Music & Administration
Our Place Christian Church
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